What I Learned From “The Maury Show” – Part Two – Forgiveness

In the last post, I talked about learning how secrets will kill your relationship thanks to “The Maury Show.” While I probably should have changed the channel, it was like watching a train wreck, I couldn’t turn away; I kept watching. The next couple had been married for 22 years and he’d cheated on her 5 times that she knew about. Now she’s found make up in his car and a dress in the laundry she didn’t recognize. As you might have guessed, he “didn’t know where it came from” but he was cheating again.

The caption at the bottom of the screen read, “She’s forgiven him before but she won’t forgive him this time.” I thought to myself, “What’s different about this time?” I’m sure she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and probably thought, “He won’t do it again.” But he did do it again. When is enough enough? I don’t think you can ever have enough forgiveness in a relationship. Why?

You can’t have a relationships without the ability to continually forgive.

Relationships without forgiveness will never last. They’ll simply disintegrate as soon as someone does messes up. We must continually forgive because we ALL make mistakes. Some mistakes are greater than others, but just because I have forgiven you, that does not mean that I have to forget what you’ve done. I’d be a fool if I did forget.

Often, we fail to understand that just because I forgive you, that doesn’t mean the trust which was broken is instantaneously restored. That’s a concept that can be very difficult for the offender to understand. The regaining of trust happens at the rate that the offended party is willing to give it. However, the fact that I don’t trust someone does not give me a license to treat them badly.

The way you treat someone who has broken your trust says a great deal about your level of maturity. If you choose to abuse them, get revenge, and show them “what it feels like” you have either never been in their shoes, or you have no concern for their feelings. Whatever their motivation, you can be sure that they’ll be the type who won’t forgive or forget.

It’s vitally important to forgive because if we hold onto unforgiveness, it can turn into resentment. When you hold resentment against someone, you’re actually hurting yourself more than the other person and over time, that resentment can turn into bitterness. Bitterness is the poison you swallow and expecting to hurt the other person.

Studies have actually shown that people who hold resentment are twice as likely to have a stroke, 3 times as likely to have a heart attack or bypass surgery and 4 times as likely to have high cholesterol. That should show up that, sometimes, it’s not what you eat, it’s what eats you.

Dealing with others’ mistakes and , the best, and sometimes hardest thing to do is to forgive first, ask questions later. When you understand what it means to be forgiven, how can you NOT forgive others?