In any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, chemistry plays a role. It can make a “bad” relationship seem better than it is, and an already good relationship seem euphoric. But how important is it really? How does it compare to compatibility? Ultimately where we rank chemistry and compatibility are personal choices, but either way, their importance is inescapable.
Check out some more of my thoughts in the video below and let me know where you fall?
There are certain questions that I can’t stand to answer. Partially because the answer will bring no benefit to the questioner, and partially because the question itself makes certain implications. My favorite (or perhaps least favorite) question of this type — “Why aren’t you married/dating/in a relationship?”
We all love to get that question, don’t we? Whether it’s family, parents, old friends we haven’t seen in a while, or maybe a new acquaintance (but I hope not a date, lest they’ve forgotten their manners), they all want to know why we haven’t been “snatched up” into a relationship.
I’ve been guilty of asking this question before, as I’m sure you have. When I ask the question, it’s really a less offensive way of saying, “What’s wrong with you? Where are your defects? Do you have a personality disorder? There must be some logical explanation as to why someone hasn’t decided they want to spend the rest of their life with you? What’s the problem?” That’s the backhanded brilliance of the “why aren’t you” question — it says all that and more in such a way that people often don’t have a decent answer. read more
In every dating relationship, the time comes when we must examine the other person’s character, integrity, and personality in order to discern whether or not we want to spend the rest of our lives with them. During this examination, we sometimes easily spot things that send up what is often referred to as a “red flag,” or a warning sign. But sometimes there are blatant things that we simply overlook for whatever reason. I know I’ve done it before and chances are that you have too.
So in hopes that we can all learn from my mistakes and hopefully be more aware these flags in the future, I’ve compiled the following list of a few of the major red flags that I look for when considering a relationship with someone. While these are all important and should be examined at some point in the relationship (preferably sooner rather than later), they are listed in no particular order. read more
While browsing YouTube the other day, I noticed an interesting ad, placed below a video entitled, “Single black women find the search for love is especially difficult.” The ad pictured a Black woman with a shirtless White man next to the text, “AfroRomance — Where love is more than skin deep.”
It seemed that YouTube, with it’s consistent ad placement was saying: “Hey Black women, you know your pickings are slim with all the black men being either unemployed or incarcerated. Not to worry, come try out this interracial dating site and find you a nice White man!” (Ok, perhaps that wasn’t the intent, but that’s certainly how I took it.) read more
I love my sister. I do. Tonight she texts me to tell me that a guy was hitting on her at work. He asked for her number, and she gave him mine, telling him it was hers. He said he’s text her (really me, but he didn’t know) later. The following is our exchange. (I spent so much time laughing at this, I can’t even tell you! It’s absolutely hilarious and completely atrocious that men think this is acceptable! Enjoy!
(I’ve tried to censor out some of his inappropriate language, but you can still tell what he said.)
I had a dream last night that led me to think about how we relate to those we’ve been romantically involved in after we’re no longer involved with them and how should our friends respect the relationship that once was. In simpler terms — what’s the rule with friends and ex’s?
Let me give you a quick recap of what happened in my dream so this will make more sense: A group of friends were all at a movie together. On one side, I was sitting next to “W,” my ex (really, she’s not an “official” ex, only because we were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but we do have history), because we are still amiable. (I’m that way with most women I’ve had a relationship with. I don’t understand those who absolutely abhor their ex’s… but that’s another post.) On the other side of her was our friend “M,” who has, at some point, expressed some interest in her to me, but did so without knowing that her and I got as involved as we did.
So we’re watching the movie, and at some point I look over to see them all in each other’s faces making out. I immediately get a little ticked off. Not so much that I make a scene — instead I just get up and leave. (Now, I would say that, for me, that’s not a typical response, but having never been in the exact situation, I couldn’t tell you.) read more
In my last post, “Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue,” I dealt with the question of why some men just don’t pursue to numerous quality women that are in their lives. I won’t repeat the entire article, but essentially the point was this — why pursue when you don’t have to?
However, I know some women probably read that and said, “We’re in the 21st century, why do I need to wait for a man to pursue me? I’m gonna get my man for myself. I’m not waiting on him.”
And I can understand their point. We do live in times that are culturally, very different from 50 years ago — heck, from 20 years ago. In a time when feminism and womanism is at, perhaps, an all time high, and “Miss Independent” is everywhere you look, I think it only natural that the question arrises…
Should women pursue men? read more
Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?
Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)
Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.
Which pair would you buy? read more
I think too often we — whether singles, Christians, whatever — tend to “tag along” with ideas without asking any questions Certain ideas and ways of doing things have just become the status quo. We blindly adopt the “if they’re doing it, I probably should too” ideology.
I would categorize marriage as one of those things. We never really examine if it’s something that’s for us. Instead we just assume it’s the natural next step and right and we fall right in line.
Do we get married because we have legitimate, real reasons, or do we do it just because that’s what society, and especially the church, tell us that we should do? If you get down to the heart of the matter, almost everything that one could do inside a marriage, could also be done outside of a marriage, whether in a committed partnership, or in some cases, just a “regular” relationship. read more
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, and as singles tend to do, we inevitably came to talk about where single people can meet potential spouses. She asked me, “Why does it seem like every man that goes to [our church] is going outside of [our church] to find themselves a girlfriend?” (While we were talking specifically about the church we attended, the same conversation could have been had about any church across America.)
Good question. Why does it seem that so many men go outside of their local church when there may be plenty of “options” inside their church?
First, I wonder if it just seems that way because we tend to more easily notice “outsiders” who come in with a person we know in our church? For example, if I’m dating a new girl, who I met outside of my church, to a Sunday service, people would be more likely to recognize that than if I came to a service with someone who is a member of my church, wouldn’t you think? read more
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