The Biggest Reason You’re Not Married

There are certain questions that I can’t stand to answer. Partially because the answer will bring no benefit to the questioner, and partially because the question itself makes certain implications. My favorite (or perhaps least favorite) question of this type — “Why aren’t you married/dating/in a relationship?”

We all love to get that question, don’t we? Whether it’s family, parents, old friends we haven’t seen in a while, or maybe a new acquaintance (but I hope not a date, lest they’ve forgotten their manners), they all want to know why we haven’t been “snatched up” into a relationship.

I’ve been guilty of asking this question before, as I’m sure you have. When I ask the question, it’s really a less offensive way of saying, “What’s wrong with you? Where are your defects? Do you have a personality disorder? There must be some logical explanation as to why someone hasn’t decided they want to spend the rest of their life with you? What’s the problem?”  That’s the backhanded brilliance of the “why aren’t you” question — it says all that and more in such a way that people often don’t have a decent answer. read more

Are Interracial Relationships Biblical?

Last week I talked about how interracial dating can go wrong by citing a certain website that is designed exclusively for those desiring only interracial relationships. I noted how this can allow people to develop unhealthy, racially-based fetishes. Since then, some have brought up the question of whether or not interracial dating is Biblical. This argument is not only easily dismantled, but in fact, racist in and of itself.

In order to properly talk about interracial relationships, we must define what race is. The best definition I have found comes from Dr. Mikhail Lyubansky, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Illinois. He defines race as a “classification of human beings into politically motivated socially constructed categories based on arbitrary phenotypical combinations.” In other words, there is no lasting, biological condition such as race (other than, of course, the human race) — it’s strictly based on societal norms at a given place and time.

Using that definition, we understand that interracial relationships involve two individuals who don’t have similar phenotypical features (in terms of race, we often think of skin tone, bone structure, and hair texture). read more

Do You Have These Red Flags In Your Relationship?

In every dating relationship, the time comes when we must examine the other person’s character, integrity, and personality in order to discern whether or not we want to spend the rest of our lives with them. During this examination, we sometimes easily spot things that send up what is often referred to as a “red flag,” or a warning sign. But sometimes there are blatant things that we simply overlook for whatever reason. I know I’ve done it before and chances are that you have too.

So in hopes that we can all learn from my mistakes and hopefully be more aware these flags in the future, I’ve compiled the following list of a few of the major red flags that I look for when considering a relationship with someone. While these are all important and should be examined at some point in the relationship (preferably sooner rather than later), they are listed in no particular order. read more

When Interracial Dating Goes Wrong

While browsing YouTube the other day, I noticed an interesting ad, placed below a video entitled, “Single black women find the search for love is especially difficult.” The ad pictured a Black woman with a shirtless White man next to the text, “AfroRomance — Where love is more than skin deep.”

It seemed that YouTube, with it’s consistent ad placement was saying: “Hey Black women, you know your pickings are slim with all the black men being either unemployed or incarcerated. Not to worry, come try out this interracial dating site and find you a nice White man!” (Ok, perhaps that wasn’t the intent, but that’s certainly how I took it.) read more

The Reason She Doesn’t Respect You

Last week I wrote about how men disrespect women, and why we shouldn’t and what we should do, and yada, yada, yada. I got quite a few people who wanted to hear the reverse discussion and put the women on blast. And I’m all for being fair (sometimes) and balanced and looking at both sides of the stories. So…

It’s obvious the type of things that women do when they disrespect their men, so I don’t find it necessary to discuss that. The question then becomes, not what, but why. Why do women do these things? Why doesn’t the woman treat her man with respect in the first place? read more

Do You Know Who You’re Really Talking To?

Text messages are a funny thing. They’re funny because there’s not real way to be sure that the person texting you back is, in fact, the person that you assume it is. It’s a very trusting exchange. You’re trusting that they’re who they say they are, and they’re probably doing the same thing.

But what if the person you were texting turned out to be someone completely different than who you thought it was? Gentlemen: what if a girl gave you her number, you have a conversation with her, only for you to later find out that if wasn’t her responding, but her brother.

That’s exactly what happened this past weekend.

My eighteen year old sister was at work on Saturday evening and this guy came into the restaurant was very flirtatious toward her (to say the least). She wasn’t the least bit interested, but he was persistent, so she finally gives him her number. Only her number (the one that she wrote down) wasn’t hers at all, but mine (her brother’s). She then texts me to tell me this so I’m not caught off guard, and I couldn’t do anything but laugh at the possibility of what might ensue later that evening. read more

Conversation With a Buster (On My Sister's Behalf)

I love my sister. I do. Tonight she texts me to tell me that a guy was hitting on her at work. He asked for her number, and she gave him mine, telling him it was hers. He said he’s text her (really me, but he didn’t know) later. The following is our exchange. (I spent so much time laughing at this, I can’t even tell you! It’s absolutely hilarious and completely atrocious that men think this is acceptable! Enjoy!

(I’ve tried to censor out some of his inappropriate language, but you can still tell what he said.)

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What's The Rule With Ex's?

I had a dream last night that led me to think about how we relate to those we’ve been romantically involved in after we’re no longer involved with them and how should our friends respect the relationship that once was. In simpler terms — what’s the rule with friends and ex’s?

Let me give you a quick recap of what happened in my dream so this will make more sense: A group of friends were all at a movie together. On one side, I was sitting next to “W,” my ex (really, she’s not an “official” ex, only because we were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but we do have history), because we are still amiable. (I’m that way with most women I’ve had a relationship with. I don’t understand those who absolutely abhor their ex’s… but that’s another post.) On the other side of her was our friend “M,” who has, at some point, expressed some interest in her to me, but did so without knowing that her and I got as involved as we did.

So we’re watching the movie, and at some point I look over to see them all in each other’s faces making out. I immediately get a little ticked off. Not so much that I make a scene — instead I just get up and leave. (Now, I would say that, for me, that’s not a typical response, but having never been in the exact situation, I couldn’t tell you.) read more

Why Must The "Manolos" Wait? The Idea Of Women Pursuing Men

In my last post, “Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue,” I dealt with the question of why some men just don’t pursue to numerous quality women that are in their lives. I won’t repeat the entire article, but essentially the point was this — why pursue when you don’t have to?

However, I know some women probably read that and said, “We’re in the 21st century, why do I need to wait for a man to pursue me? I’m gonna get my man for myself. I’m not waiting on him.”

And I can understand their point. We do live in times that are culturally, very different from 50 years ago — heck, from 20 years ago. In a time when feminism and womanism is at, perhaps, an all time high, and “Miss Independent” is everywhere you look, I think it only natural that the question arrises…

Should women pursue men? read more

Manolos vs Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue

Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?

Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)

Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.

Which pair would you buy? read more