Because You Don’t Want It

I’ve been very lazy with my relationship with God lately. Honestly, I’ve backslidden. I haven’t had drastic moral failures, but in any relationship you’re either moving forward or backward. I was moving backward with Him. I haven’t been spending time with Him like I should and I couldn’t figure out why.

So I had a very honest conversation with Him. I rambled about how I felt and about my fears in life. What I wanted, what I thought I needed, and how I was angry with Him. I told Him how I didn’t see Him working in my life and the confusion that was causing. I was as open as honest as I could have been. At the end of our conversation (or rather my rambling), I still hadn’t heard Him speak, so I simply said, “God, why do I not have as close of a relationship with you as I should?”

I waited quietly and then He replied, as clear as day, “Because you don’t want it.”

A little shocked and confused, I said, “What?”

He spoke again.

“You don’t want a close, deep, committed relationship with me. You don’t have that desire. You’re scared of what you’ll lose, and maybe more so scared of the responsibilities you’ll gain as we grow closer. Your fear is irrational and a trick of the enemy yet you still believe it. Don’t. Every responsibility and anointing I want to give you isn’t even for you; it’s for those you know.”

“Stuart,” He said, “stop thinking that your relationship with me is about you. There are lives attached to you that will spend eternity without me if you don’t spend more quality time with me. I have things to give you that will impact them in a way that you could never imagine, but I can’t change them if you stay where you are!”

“I will never give you more responsibility than I know you’re ready for” He continued. “You may not know you’re ready to handle it, but you have to trust that I know best. I know you and I know what you can do. I’ll be right there with you. You will not have to shoulder these responsibilities alone.”

As I continued to drive, the words of my Pastor were brought to my mind. He says, “You are only as close to God as your choose to be.” Such true words. The control of any relationship lies with the person who is least committed. In our relationship with God, we are always the least committed. He gave us His everything. He’s waiting for us to give Him whatever we choose. Ideally, He wants all of us, but we rarely give Him that for the reason that I struggled with.

I also remember He very distinctly told me to share with others what He had just told me. I know He knew I wasn’t the only only one going through the same thing. If you’re in the same situation, take comfort; I’m right there with you.

It’s hard to come to grips with, but he has your best interest at heart. He will not give you more than you can handle. He may give you more than you think you can handle, but the test will only grow you and take you to another level. Remember, you are only as close to God as you want to be. He wants to be close to you. Do you want to be close to Him?