Conversation With a Buster (On My Sister's Behalf)

I love my sister. I do. Tonight she texts me to tell me that a guy was hitting on her at work. He asked for her number, and she gave him mine, telling him it was hers. He said he’s text her (really me, but he didn’t know) later. The following is our exchange. (I spent so much time laughing at this, I can’t even tell you! It’s absolutely hilarious and completely atrocious that men think this is acceptable! Enjoy!

(I’ve tried to censor out some of his inappropriate language, but you can still tell what he said.)

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What’s Missing From Our Relationships? Respect!

Tonight I was out for a friends birthday and at the end of the night, it ended up being myself and five wonderful ladies (lucky me). They began talking about and sharing different experiences they had with men approaching them and trying to build relationships (or some pathetic excuse for a relationship). I, honestly, was a little (and some a lot) disappointed in the things they said and the stories they told.

Now, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know that not all men operate in the same manner as these “gentlemen,” because at the very least, I know a few individuals who are the exception, but I was nonetheless surprised as what they believed would pass for a decent approach. read more

What's The Rule With Ex's?

I had a dream last night that led me to think about how we relate to those we’ve been romantically involved in after we’re no longer involved with them and how should our friends respect the relationship that once was. In simpler terms — what’s the rule with friends and ex’s?

Let me give you a quick recap of what happened in my dream so this will make more sense: A group of friends were all at a movie together. On one side, I was sitting next to “W,” my ex (really, she’s not an “official” ex, only because we were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but we do have history), because we are still amiable. (I’m that way with most women I’ve had a relationship with. I don’t understand those who absolutely abhor their ex’s… but that’s another post.) On the other side of her was our friend “M,” who has, at some point, expressed some interest in her to me, but did so without knowing that her and I got as involved as we did.

So we’re watching the movie, and at some point I look over to see them all in each other’s faces making out. I immediately get a little ticked off. Not so much that I make a scene — instead I just get up and leave. (Now, I would say that, for me, that’s not a typical response, but having never been in the exact situation, I couldn’t tell you.) read more

Why Must The "Manolos" Wait? The Idea Of Women Pursuing Men

In my last post, “Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue,” I dealt with the question of why some men just don’t pursue to numerous quality women that are in their lives. I won’t repeat the entire article, but essentially the point was this — why pursue when you don’t have to?

However, I know some women probably read that and said, “We’re in the 21st century, why do I need to wait for a man to pursue me? I’m gonna get my man for myself. I’m not waiting on him.”

And I can understand their point. We do live in times that are culturally, very different from 50 years ago — heck, from 20 years ago. In a time when feminism and womanism is at, perhaps, an all time high, and “Miss Independent” is everywhere you look, I think it only natural that the question arrises…

Should women pursue men? read more

Manolos vs Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue

Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?

Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)

Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.

Which pair would you buy? read more

A Reflection on King's "Letter From Birmingham Jail"

Since today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I feel that “blogger’s obligation” to write something deep about the day. Instead of writing something new, I’ll share something with you that I wrote a few months back. Nothing uber deep here, just more of a journal entry. We had an assignment for a class to read Dr. King’s “Letter From Birmingham Jail” and discuss with paragraph had the biggest impact on us and why. The following is my response:

I decided that the paragraph where he describes his disappointment in the “white moderate” and their participation in the freedom efforts (which I included below for reference). This paragraph stuck out primarily because of the fourth sentence where Dr. King writes about who he, “should have realized that few members of a race that has oppressed another race can understand or appreciate the deep groans and passionate yearnings of those that have been oppressed and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action.”

I had hoped that the white moderate would see this. Maybe I was too optimistic. Maybe I expected too much. I guess I should have realized that few members of a race that has oppressed another race can understand or appreciate the deep groans and passionate yearnings of those that have been oppressed and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still all too small in quantity, but they are big in quality. Some like Ralph McGill, Lillian Smith, Harry Golden and James Dabbs have written about our struggle in eloquent, prophetic and understanding terms. Others have marched with us down nameless streets of the South. They have languished in filthy roach-infested jails, suffering the abuse and brutality of angry policemen who see them as “dirty nigger-lovers.” They, unlike so many of their moderate brothers and sisters, have recognized the urgency of the moment and sensed the need for powerful “action” antidotes to combat the disease of segregation.

So the question now becomes: Why did this have such an impact on me? read more

Forget Pat Robertson… I’m Standing Behind Haiti

If, by now, you haven’t heard about Pat Robertson’s remarks about the Haitian earthquake being God’s retaliation and judgment upon the country for their pact with Satan, made in order to free themselves from the control of the French government in the late 1700s, perhaps you’ve been living under a rock.

(You did know there was a 7.2 magnitude earthquake 10 miles off the coast of Port au Prince, Haiti around 5pm EST on Tuesday, January 11th of this year, 2010, right? Just checking.)

It wasn’t 24 hours later that Robertson made the following remarks on “The 700 Club.” (In case you don’t want to watch it all, below the video, you’ll find the text of his statement.)

And you know, Christy, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon III and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. ‘They said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the French.’ True story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free, and ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That Island of Hispaniola is one island cut down the middle. On the one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty, same islands. They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy, I’m optimistic something good may come, but right now we’re helping the suffering people, and the suffering is unimaginable. (source)

Not long after this video aired, and was uploaded on YouTube, Pat Robertson became a top trending topic on Twitter (which is the best source for what’s going on at any given time in America — sorry Facebook) as well as was being widely discussed on Facebook and blogs all across the country.

Being a blogger, you sometimes feel an obligation to speak out about certain issues that happen, especially issues which seem to affect a particular group of which you may be a member. This is one of those times for me. I feel an obligation to speak up for the Christians who don’t agree with Robertson and his statement, for those who are standing with, and behind Haiti during this time.

However, had this very event happened four or five years ago, I may have stayed silent. I might have even agreed with Robertson. Why?

I was largely ignorant to Haiti’s rich and incredible history. I didn’t know about Haiti’s slave rebellion — the most successful in history — which, in many ways, paved the road for the rebellions that took place here, and lead Haiti to become “the second independent nation in the Western Hemisphere and [the] first black-governed republic.” I didn’t know about how “the repercussions… extended far beyond the small island nation… [into] the United States, where Haiti’s slave revolt figured directly in two of the most significant events in United States history: the Louisiana Purchase and the American Civil War.” (source) I, like most Americans (and probably Pat Robertson as well), was never taught these things; I was taught that Haiti was an ugly, impoverished third world country, inhabited by savages, and full of witchcraft, voodoo, and Satanism, out of which nothing good has or will ever come.

Haiti is undoubtedly a third world country. It is, in fact, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere with 80% of the population living below the poverty line (source) and it is 50% poorer than the next closest country, Nicaragua (source).

And yes, it’s also true that witchcraft, voodoo and Satanism (the latter two of which are not as closely related as most have been lead to believe) exist there. (The also exist in the states by the way — just in case you thought we were special.)While Roman Catholics make up 80% of the Haitian population, Protestants at 16%, roughly half of the population practices voodoo (source). How does approximately half the country practice voodoo and Catholicism at the same time? (Unless you’re an expert on Haitian culture, you’re probably asking just like I was.) Well, that’s another story for another time, but let’s suffice it to say that it’s one of the effects of Haiti’s liberation (source).

But to think that nothing good could come out of such a strong heritage, a beautiful people, a wonderful country, is not only delusional and ignorant, it’s absolute absurdity.

I share that with you because whenever you want to talk about a particular country — in this case, Haiti — you have to understand the context of the people, of the country, and how their history plays a role in the current situation. Understand how the country got into the poverty that it’s in. Understand the history of the people, where they came from, and why voodoo is more widespread there than in other places. Get the facts.

Robertson compared Haiti to the Dominican Republic, which inhabits the other side of the island of Hispaniola, noting that there seemed to be a stark difference between the two. And he’s right. But couldn’t we also compare Mexico with the United States? They’re parts of the same island, but have developed differently because, just like Haiti and the DR, they are different countries with different leaderships and different histories. The same could be said quite a few places. It’s not the island; it’s the history of slavery and colonialism and development (or lack thereof) that has lead the country into such extreme poverty.

Perhaps this is a simple case where Robertson simply didn’t know what the history behind the country he was talking about; that’s a likely option, right? Ignorance is to blame.

Even if Robertson said is correct, I have to wonder about his motivation. This is the biggest issue for me —  perhaps even more than whether his statement was correct or not. What good could have come from sharing that information with the public? Did it encourage, uplift, or help anyone in any way? No. It actually did quite the opposite — it stirred up hate (not only directed towards Robertson, but hate towards Haiti coming from those who stood behind and agreed with him) and it served to perpetuate the erroneous notion that the country is a backwards, no good place that won’t ever get itself out of its current state.

Hear me: I’m not negating the fact that voodoo is practiced there, nor trying to downplay it’s importance in that culture. Voodoo and its powers are very real and very serious. Does this mean that, because half the population practices a certain religion, they deserve any less help from us in this time of incredible need? Certainly not. Now is the time when we must show them love and compassion more than any other time. If you witnessed a horrible accident, would you find out the person’s religion before assisting them?

Haitian-born author, Edwidge Danticat says,“Haiti is a place that suffers so much from neglect that people only want to hear about it when It’s at its extreme. And that’s what they end up knowing about it.”

She speaks sobering truth. Yet now that we know about Haiti, we have a responsibility to do what we can to make it a better place. This is an opportunity for the country to rebuild and become even stronger, and more passionate than it was before. Jo Nubian writes: “We have to realize that we are Haiti, as we are Zimbabwe, as we are Chicago. We have to act now with vigor and earnestness, certainly, but we have to act again and again, because as Edwidge Danticat noted, we can not only consider Haiti and other places like Haiti in these extreme times.” I couldn’t agree more.

For all those affected by this tragedy, especially those who may be reading this who are Haitian, and perhaps have family or friends who they haven’t heard from: Please know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers. Don’t lose hope — God is the God of the impossible!

We will stand behind you and beside you through this process. We are better because of you. We with you, Haiti.

[Note: If you would like to donate, you can text “Yele” to 501501 to donate $5 to Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti program or text “Haiti” to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross. Both donations will be charged to your cell phone bill. Please donate now.]

[Additional Note: Ambassador Raymond Joseph, the Haitian Ambassador to the United States, made an appearance on Rachel Maddow’s show the other night and had something to say about Robertson’s comment. Watch the video here.]

This video from Jay Smooth of the Ill Doctrine blog perfectly speaks some of my sentiments. Watch:

The World Is Bigger Than You… Now Start Acting Like It!

Americans — black, white, brown, red, and yellow — are a selfish people. (Yes, I include myself in that number.) It’s part of being American, isn’t it? “America — where it’s all about us and how great we are and let’s intervene in all the world’s drama because they need us.” I think that would serve us as a good tagline, no?

Now before folks go and label me (because that’s another thing Americans love to do) as unpatriotic, let me just say that I do enjoy, perhaps even love, America. But too often we’re so focused on us, either personally, or nationally, that we lose focus of what the rest of the world truly looks like.

I was sitting in my Global Issues class and the professor gave us some statistics that have been sitting with me all day. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way where I couldn’t help but wonder if people knew what their world really looks like.The example given was this: read more

My Answer To "Why Isn't There A 'WET' Channel?": A Lesson in White Privilege

I received a FB message today entitled “Another Racist question…”. The message was from a white gentleman, in his 50s (or perhaps late 40s) who lives in the suburbs with his family, and holds down a well paying job. He said:

Honestly, my first thought was, “Aww, bless his heart. He doesn’t understand that every channel EXCEPT BET is “WET” (as he put it).” Then I thought: The reason he doesn’t know is because he’s grossly unaware of White Privilege and the role that it plays in his life.

In Peggy McIntosh’s “White Privilege: Unpacking Invisible Knapsack,” she creates a list of the daily effects of White Privilege. Number six on the list reads: “I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.” Perfect example.

After pondering how to approach the topic, I responded: read more

Watch What You Put In Your Ears : Daniel Fast 2010 : Day 7

Watch what you put in your ears. And I’m not talking about Q-Tips. I’m talking about music.

During the Daniel Fast this year, not only am I not listening to any secular music (unless it’s randomly playing in a store I’m shopping in, which leaves me no choice, and puts me in an awkward situation) but I’m also not listening to any music, of any type, while I’m in my car. To say this has been a challenge would be an understatement; to say it’s been much needed and beneficial would be a greater understatement.

Unless I’m on the phone or having a conversation with someone, I always have music playing when I’m in the car. If I’m alone, music is on. It helps me to avoid that often uncomfortable silence. read more